My boss’s boss asks me on Sat night — “Lacey, I notice you’re always so happy at work. Are you always this happy?”
Admin Asst to President — “She’s happier than God Damned Disneyland.”
Loved it!
I’m actually signed up for my first speed dating rendezvous! (In Denver) I’m super excited, but have some reservations. What kind of guys are going to be there? Better yet… What kind of girls are going to be there? What kind of group am I going to be forever lumped into? The Speed-Dater. HAHA!! I have absolutely no expecatations though, the WORST case scenario is I have a really funny story for tumblr. :) My 82yr old gram says to me last night, “Well, like my mom said, HE may not be the one, but he may have a friend.” Well put Gram! It’s going to be SO easy to lie, I really have to watch myself. 5 minute dates are almost too easy to be someone else because you never have to get caught in the story. And being an actress, I know if it’s boring I’ll spice it up. I frequently get bored at bars and social drinking events, so I pretend to be English. My friends love it, I can get sucked in very easily. Be careful, Lacey. Be careful.
So. I’m being set up with this guy (who is 34 and apparently looks like Ben Affleck) on one of my first real dates in a long, long time. I asked the friend who’s setting me up to NOT TELL HIM ANYTHING ABOUT ME. Including, but not limited to, my last name and my profession of choice.
Just think! An old-fashioned first date where two people make first impressions based on … their actual first impressions! Crazy!!
Anyway, he called last evening, left a message, and I wrote down his number on my To Do list to return sometime today. I also had to ring a reporter, whose number I wrote down as well.
Since calling men I don’t know makes me nervous, I was going to phone him while I was walking Lilly in about 20 minutes (doing something while I’m talking calms me down a little bit).
Anyway, guess who just dialed the wrong number and totally panicked when it was THE GUY instead?
Thank god his VM answered - but even still, I ended up listing like, exactly what I was doing for the next seven hours, highlighting opportunities for him to call back. Not terribly smooth.
UGHHH!
Btw, how long do you think I can go without telling him my last name or what I do? I never want him to read this blog. Or even know it exists. But I also refuse to lie.
Hmmmm.
…And I’ll be home sweet home in the great state of Nebraska. Most people think “great state” is a major stretch, but not this girl. I love it. I miss it. And I can’t wait to get there.
VHAT!?!?!?! How long will you be there? When are you coming to CO to visit me? :)
Ginger ten Bensel’s I Love Nebraska. This “music video” could not be any worse for the Nebraska stereotype… but it’s too good (awful) to not share.Oh, come on! You’re killing me Ginger!
So, dear sweet Ginger lives in HASTINGS!! As you know, Kels and I went to school together and we saw her at the bar one night… this is a funny story I completely forgot about… LOL!!!
The GING was sooo wasted she decided to get up with the band to sing. When she realized she didn’t know the words to anything they could play, she gallavanted out to her KHAS van and got her guitar. OMG - so funny to hear a drunk news reporter play and sing to a NE song…. Wish you could have been there.
Hey! Didja know Farve will probably play for the Jets? Oh boy!
I heard Tampa Bay this morning on the news? Keep me posted! I’d love to see him go play for someone shitty like the KC Chiefs and take them to the playoffs or something… you go Brett!!
Summer Classes for Men at
THE
ADULT LEARNING CENTER
REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED
by Friday, August 29th 2008
NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL
OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM
Class 1
How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays—Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM .
Class 2
The Toilet Paper Roll—Does It Change Itself?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.
Class 3
Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub?—Group Practice.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor—Pictures and Ex planatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.
Class 5
Dinner Dishes—Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink?
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
at 7:00 PM
Class 6
Loss Of Identity—Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other.
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM
Class 7
Learning How To Find Things—Star ting With Looking In The Right Places And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming.
Open Forum
Monday at 8:00 PM , 2 hours.
Class 8
Health Watch—Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health.
Graphics and Audio Tapes.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 9
Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost—Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined
Class 10
Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks?
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday’s noon, 2 hours.
Class 11
Learning to Live—Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.
Online Classes and role-playing
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM , location to be determined
Class 12
How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion
Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM .
Class 13
How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy—Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You’re Going To Be Late.
Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 14
The Stove/Oven—What It Is and How It Is Used.
Live Demonstration.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM , location to be determined.
Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issuedto the survivors.
It’s easy. Just take a hard swig each time you run across the words “nerd,” “geek,” or “Apple” on her Tumblr. I just read two pages and am fucking wasting!
“Julia Allison wants to be a successful writer, which would include being famous as a side effect.”
I want to be a famous writer (someday.)
Does this mean I should plagiarize in college, court VCs, write a blog with my boyfriend (and then out him as being bipolar after our tearful breakup), fly out to lavish LA and Las Vegas parties where I don’t do much of anything, rub elbows with rich heiresses and media moguls, become a starfucker, send in salacious gossip about myself to Gawker, pose “sexy” in a bunch of photos (wait, I already did that), and then start a “lifecasting” site with my CRAZY friends in order to be recognized as famous for… my writing?
Look, I don’t know the girl. I’m sure most of the above is “hype”. But if she wants to just be known for writing, girlfriend sure doesn’t act the part. Or, um, write much.
She’s certainly getting attention, though. There’s a lot of handwringing on Tumblr, but a Wired cover and a Bravo reality show is nothing to sneeze at. Whatever she does want, it looks like she’s getting it. I just kinda doubt writing is really on the “goal” list. Or maybe she doesn’t want to be a famous writer — maybe she wants to be famously written about, which is a big difference.
I always enjoy reading your posts, and the lengthy ones are even FUNNIER!! This one rocked my world today. I follow the girls too… and find your post hilarious today! Thanks for the laugh… just when I needed it!
