I have some serious theories on the stages that we go through as females during a breakup.
I TOTALLY see these stages Kelsey! It sucks, aye? Martin (the boyfriend who followed me to FL) haha! and I are sort of in the hashing stage now. :(
Luckily!, you and I aren’t THOSE girls… :) We’ll be fine. Better than fine. I don’t know about you, but I think I’m better off alone. I’m good here.
Love you! I’m with you! :)
They are as follows:
1. It’s Not Real - The reality of the situation has not yet sunk in, and we choose to believe that it’s still going to work itself out. ”He’ll come around” yada yada.
2. OMG IT IS REAL - Holy crap, it’s done for real, for real. This is accompanied by utter shock and sudden panic.
3. AnaLIES - We analyze the shiz out of the situation…trying to figure out where things went wrong, what happened, why things fell apart. We think back to days, weeks, months past trying to distinguish at what point things went south. We think about any and all girls he’s ever mentioned, just killing ourselves in wonder of which one he is interested in…clearly there HAS to be someone else! And, of course, we lie to ourselves - relentlessly convincing ourselves that it’s in no way, shape, or form, our fault.
4. Hashing Hashed Potatoes - We want to talk about it. We want answers. So we ask the same questions over and over and over again, just hoping that by some crazy chance if we cry enough of smile enough, he will finally give the answer we want. We will straight up half nelson that dead horse. We’re relentless. This only comes to an end when he finally says “I don’t know what else to say.” At this point, the browns are officially hashed.
5. Push Comes to Shove - Now that we know this thing is really going down, we start to push. This stage is nuts if you ask me. We find any way…Any topic, any item, any occurance, any anything we can to share a moment. Here’s your shirt back…Congrats on your game last night…Did you hear about this or that? I mean, in this stage, we are not afraid to straight up make something up. We desperately need to make a connection, and we need to do it now. We may also try to be chummy and act like everything is fine…Let’s be friends! But then get pissed because friendship is not really what we want. This phase is truly bananas.
6. SADDDDDDDDDD - This one speaks for itself. We are freaking sad and miserable. What up ice cream and vodka, welcome to our world.
7. I’m SO Over It - We don’t want to be sad anymore, and the push stage clearly doesn’t get us anywhere except uber frustrated with the lack of reciprocation and annoyed with ourselves for being such vahines. So we say, “whatev, I don’t even care.” And we go about our business as if we don’t have a care in the world…All the while making our friends promise not to let us text him or call him…deleting his number…whatever it takes to cut off communication on our part. BUT we’re not REALLY over it, we just need him to think so.
8. Heartache Blackouts - Now we’re mad. Because we aren’t pushing, we aren’t contacting him, and none of it’s working. So we’re angry. In this stage, we are likely to flirt with his friends, tell people he’s gay, or that he is a sexual midget. We will stop at nothing to bring him down. We are known to say things like “biggest mistake he ever made” or “I’m too good for him anyway.” We’re illogical and we’re sassy.
9. Back in the Game - It’s Single City, and we’re the freakin mayor. We are going to jazz ourselves up, we’re going to get the girls together, we’re going out, we’re putting out the vibe, we’re wild and unruly, and taking the town by storm. I misspoke earlier…THIS stage is nuts. This stage often results in vengeful activity and overall bad decision making. But it’s a hoot, let’s be honest.
10. Stability - This is usually a long stage where we’re existing just fine…we’ve found the balance between friends/going out and responsibility, we’re regaining our headstrong independent woman mentalities and feel pretty darn good. (Some girls will substitute a new boyfriend in at this stage…You know the ones…The ones that MUST have a man. I am not one of those girls, so I cannot comment on that).
11. The Test - We FINALLY come face to face with the dude in a situation that will test us. He will either put out the vibe (test 1) or have a new gf (test 2) or really not care one way or another (test 3). This scenario will determine whether or not we are truly healed. Do we give into the vibe? Do we cattily make fun of his new girlfriend? Do we get super upset because he’s over it? If the answer is no, and we can keep our cool and can actually walk away without actin a fool then we pass. If not, we fail and then we may just spiral ourselves right back into stage 1.
There’s no telling how quickly one can shoot through these stages. I think every girl is probably different. And who knows maybe other girls have a more normal coping period and everything I just said is bizarre…In which case, I’m a little embarrassed. But I do think that the more we are aware of how we handle our emotions and our often erratic behavior ahead of time, we have a better shot at controlling some of the nonsense…Thus controlling some of the pain…THUS controlling the healing. Just my opinion. Time for some ice cream…Stage 6 is calling.
